Ask mij anything. I’ll reaction, even if you call mij a bi-atch.
вЂњCongrats on 450,000 hits on the blog! I hope 2008 is your best year everzwijn. I am a long time reader of your blog, and now I am reading your hubs spil well. One of the reasons I always read your relationship advice is because you are ter a glad marriage so you vereiste know what you’re talking about. It’s hard to take a вЂњsingle and lookingвЂќ person gravely when they give relationship advice. Obviously they don’t know what works. I know from reading your blog you didn’t get married until you were past 30 and before you got married you were kleintje of a bitch. You’ve had alot of true life practice with hook-up and paramours and relationships. It is superb that you figured out what works from trials and practices and now you share that information.
I have a question for you. I specifically want your opinion because I know you know what you’re talking about. Like you I am andrógino. Like you I am joyfully married. Here’s my question. My spouse and I are gravely thinking about having a threesome. There is indeed nothing lacking ter our sexlife but an chance has introduced and wij are thinking about it. What are your positivo thoughts about this?
One of the best lumps of advice I’ve everzwijn received wasgoed posted on a highway sign on Route 80 te Fresh Elástica. It simply read: STAY OFF OF THE MEDIAN. It’s brilliant life advice. It means make a decision. Stir! Do something! Zekering sitting on the fence. Zekering railing the middle. It doesn’t need to be stated that Route 80 has never had a life let alone a life decision to make. All I’m telling is, fine advice can come from anywhere.
I’m very appreciative of your readership and glad I’ve bot helpful.
Wolves. Swans. Seahorses. Apes. Owls. Eagles. Foxes. Otters. Beavers. There are many animals that mate for life. Mating for life however does not necessarily mean mating monogamously. Seahorses are downright monogamous. Wolves aren’t.
The very first thing you need to do is let go of preconceived notions that monogamy is natural, or unnatural. Just like heterosexuality is neither natural strafgevangenis unnatural.
The only thing that you need to concern yourself with is what feels right to you and your playmate. Honesty is the only thing I preach. Just like te my hubs about infidelity. The hook-up isn’t the crime, the Lounging is.
(You aren’t a scumbag because you love two women. You aren’t a dirtbag because you sleep with two women. You are a scumbag and a dirtbag because you lie. All the excuses and reasoning ter the world doesn’t switch that.)
There are many blessed committed couples that do not practice monogamy.
I’ve written about this fairly a bit. No one has the right to judge what two (or more) consenting adults agree honestly to do. Many healthy couples are able to separate mating for life from monogamy, like wolves. The only thing you have to do is to be fair te your communications and framework out the parameters that you mutually agree on. This includes everything from your feelings about monogamy, to whether or not it’s ok to smooch the invited guest ter the threesome.
I want to add something at this point. My hubby and I are monogamous. Wij’ve had many opportunities not to be, but for 11 years now, neither of us has had any rente to go there. Wij are both amazingly open minded people. And believe mij, no one is more shocked that I’m monogamous than I am, but that is how I naturally feel. Patricia, I admit I sneered and winced when you called mij a former tart. But the truth is I’m proud of my past. I have no regrets and nothing I feel ashamed of. Maybe that’s why I am so convenient with my monogamous marriage now. Maybe I needed to sew all those hundreds of wild oats. And maybe that is why some people say monogamy is unnatural: maybe they did not sew all their oats and now feel trapped, frustrated, or unhappy.
There are many reasons why you and your fucking partner might want to engage ter a threesome. But there are also reasons you might not.
Threesomes are joy. They are erotic, exotic and decadent. It’s joy to mix things up every now and then. You might learn something fresh. You might detect a fresh way you love being touched, you might learn a fresh way to вЂњperformвЂќ a natural act.
A duo I know have told mij fairly a few times that one of the reasons they invite a third into the bedding with them every now and then, is because they can. Individual freedom is a very motivating thing. Sometimes you just need to feel unrestricted. You need to recall that you are te charge of your fate and no one forbids you from doing what you want to do. This extra-decadent slice of dessert could be the reinforcement your sense of freedom needs.
I don’t particularly like that old adage that no one wants Hamburger Helper for dinner every night. But I do understand the desire to just have a switch merienda te a while. That’s not a reflection on how much you love what you have. It just is what it is, and it isn’t a crime.
I don’t know your individual situations, but if you or your playmate married prior to experiencing all the different things you wondered about, a threesome is a way to practice those things you missed, while still including your playmate ter your journeys.
Jealousy is not something you project for. But it is something you have to think about and anticipate.
The person you invite te spil the third could trigger some insecurity you have. You may not even realize you felt self-consciously about something until you’re ter the midst of unavoidable comparison. It could be something ordinary, like that she has a flatter tummy or longer gams. It could be something a little more significant like that she’s what you perceive to be a better kisser, or a stronger paramour. And it could be something detrimental like that you’ve perceived your playmate’s attention to hier spil being more intense than his attention to you.
Another thing you have to reminisce is that merienda this is done, it can never be undone. You can never again say you’re a monogamous duo. You can never erase the picture of his smooching another woman te your bloembed, out of your mind. There is no going back.
Ultimately, the fattest argument against the threesome is, why fix something that isn’t violated. If your relationship is a good one, why risk it. You could be opening a can of worms. If either you or your playmate has had any 2nd thoughts about your marriage, they are going to be pulled out. If this chance that has introduced spil you’ve said, is someone that either of you has feelings for, this could be the beginning of the end of your marriage. Do you indeed want to go there?
All of thesis things need to be discussed ahead of time. You truly need to ask each other, and reaction honestly, why it is you think you want to attempt this. The motivations behind the desire are enormously significant.
Whether or not you determine to seize the chance, hopefully the dialogue that lead up to the decision wasgoed exposing and healthy. Hopefully it brought you closer together.
Just spil you have to be fair with each other, you also have to be fair with the person you’re inviting te. You need to be clear that this is a one-time thing, or an occasional thing, or whatever it is you’ve determined. They need to consent to the parameters conveniently, just spil you have.
If you determine to do this, I’d give you Two tips:
1 вЂ“ Have a safe word. Something you can just blurt out with out having to explain or verbalize your feelings if you just freak-the-fuck out and can’t go on. You have to mutually agree that if one of you says this word, that the meeting just stops. It finishes. No questions asked.
Two вЂ“ Finish with your playmate. Trust mij. ,)